To Whom It May Concern

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Joe Doakes from Como Park emails:

Dear Walmart Marketing Department:
You know the common element between the Gauntlet of Gum in the checkout aisle, the blinking coupon dispenser in the detergent aisle, pallets of pumpkins in the produce aisle, and Girl Scouts standing outside the door selling cookies? They only work if people actually come to your store. If people shop online, none of that stuff affects their purchase.
Based on your new policy, I will no longer be coming to your store. I’m just curious, is your CEO secretly a Bezos plant? Because it looks like your biggest online rival, Amazon, is about to eat your lunch.
Joe Doakes

See also: Chick Fil-A, Carl’s Junior, Gibson’s Bakery, and on, and on.