Conspiracy Theories

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SCENE: Mitch BERG is riding a Lime scooter through downtown Minneapolis. He pulls up in front of a store and parks the device – and doesn’t notice Avery LIBRELLE walking out of the store.

LIBRELLE: Merg!

BERG: (Distracted, logging off the scooter) Oh, hey, Avery.

LIBRELLE: People are stupid.

BERG: You got that right.

LIBRELLE: Bill Clinton hasn’t been president for almost 20 years. His wife couldn’t get elected president. How do people figure either of them had the kind of clout that it’d take to kill someone in federal custody?

BERG: Because it’s fun to mock people like the Clintons?

LIBRELLE: Conspiracy theories are destroying communications in this country!

BERG: The Clintons, who are worth hundreds of millions, and command billions and billions in influence, but who left elected office two decades ago…

LIBRELLE: …have no power to affect anything.

BERG: Whereas Vladimir Putin, don of a country in a demographic death spiral and an economy that’d be completely terminal without natural gas and weapons, with an economy on par with Belgium’s, and is reduced to playing secret agent disinformation tricks to give the illusion of non-military relevance…

LIBRELLE: …pulls all the strings in the Trump regime!

BERG: Of course. Hey – wanna borrow a scooter?

LIBRELLE: Sure. What do I do?

BERG: Pray to Hillary, and power will be dispatched from on high.

LIBRELLE: Excellent!

(And SCENE)