Glo-BULL warming update!!!

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"The taxes are still too high. The winters are still too long. But Minnesota continues to put out record crops."

This week, I cashed out every security I have. No more retirement savings. Then I maxed out every credit card I have to borrow money. No more inheritance for the kiddos. I have set up a budget to spend it all in the next twelve years. It is going to be one heck of a party!
Some might think I have taken leave of my senses. But I have not. I have found a much younger (and wiser) financial adviser. She went to Boston College, graduated cum laude with a degree in economics and something else, and is now serving in the US Congress. Good creds, right? Yes, it is AOC I am talking about, and she said we only have twelve more years to live - before we are burned up by global warming.
In fact, it is so bad, we are almost out of water here in Minnesota. Wait - maybe not. The greatest of lakes, Superior, is approaching record levels for water. And water keeps falling from the sky. How so? Last April, we had the most snow of any April on record. This year, February has smashed the previous record by 10 inches! And more snow is on the way for tomorrow. Meanwhile, my driveway looks like the Grand Canyon.
Because of our abundant moisture as well as good farming methods, we continue to knock it out of the park with our yields of corn and beans. Minnesota is one of those grocers who feeds not only its citizens, but feeds the part of the world. We raise so much grain, we are able to feed our livestock and poultry at such good prices and abundance, we remain a world leader in pork and poultry. Even though ALGORE said a few years ago the Midwest would soon resemble the Sahara Desert, it is looking like more the Garden of Eden instead.
Some might say, "Okay - that is Minnesota. What about the agriculture valleys in California? Where most of our produce is grown?" Good question. Today the Weather Channel was talking about this thing called an "atmospheric river". So much moisture is streaming (via the upper atmosphere) towards the west coast, California might get TEN FEET of snow in the Sierra Nevada Range - alone. If they can't bottle that for irrigation this summer, there is something sadly wrong with the Golden State.
I know, I know. The "greenies" will tell us this is like the Rapture before the Tribulation. "Just wait!", they will tell us - "Hell on Earth is coming!" (...yawn...) Okay, then bring it on. As for me, I HAVE NOT cashed out everything. I HAVE NOT maxed out my credit cards. I am enjoying the good life in these United States.
The taxes are still too high. The winters are still too long. But Minnesota continues to put out record crops. Global warming? Okay Representative Drazcowski - with permission, I will use your term. What we have been seeing with out weather is "Glo-Bull Warming". Plain and simple - that is all it is.