The Right People

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SCENE: Mitch BERG is waiting to see the movie “Darkest Hour” at a local theater. Avery LIBRELLE, walking out of a showing of “Brokeback Mountain Part 2: The Payback”, notices BERG before he notices…er, LIBRELLE.

LIBRELLE: Hey, Merg!

BERG: Er, hey, Avery. What’s up?

LIBRELLE: Guns are out of control! The US has the highest murder rate of any industrIalized country!

BERG: Well, for starters, that’s not true – Brazil and Russia and South Africa have much higher murder rates than we do. But I’m curious – why do you limit it to “industralized” countries? Because the US murder rate, overall, is 94th in the world, per capita. Which is waaaaay down in the middle of the pack. Mexico and Russia’s murder rates are twice as nigh; Brazil’s five times; South Africa’s, seven times higher than ours.

LIBRELLE: But you should only compare apples to apples?

BERG: Why? When it comes to murder rates, what logical sense does that make? I mean, I know why your side does it – but why do you think that is?

LIBRELLE: You tell me!

BERG: Because Big Left only cares about dead white people. That’s why you never hear “gun safety” advocates talking about crime in places like El Salvador, Nicaragua, the US Virgin Islands or Brazil, anymore than you do about places like Chicago, Newark, Camden, Baltimore, Saint Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, Stockton or Oakland.

LIBRELLE: Why would we talk about the murder rate in Chicago, Newark, Camden, Baltimore, Saint Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, Stockton or Oakland? We should compare apples and apples.

BERG They’re in America.

LIBRELLE: Are they?

BERG: (Stares vacaintly for a moment). Interesting point.

LIBRELLE: Rethugs are so stupid.

(And SCENE)